rodgerscc

6412 Bannington Drive 28226 Charlotte, NC
Phone: 704-364-9176

6412 Bannington Drive Charlotte, NC 28226704-364-9176

Make Sure It’s a Fair Fight

Conflict is inevitable in relationship, especially in marriage. You can’t take 2 different people with different personalities, from completely different environments and upbringings, ask them to pay mortgages, manage careers, and raise humankind in an enclosed space called a house without some conflict. That being said conflict is inevitable but combat is optional! So the key is how you do conflict. How do you handle conflict? Do you get mad and get even, or do you stonewall and punish? Either way is unhealthy and tends to guarantee that your issues will not get resolved in a healing way. Here are some Fair Fighting Rules that we have found over the years that help resolve conflicts in a healthy way: Know what your are really fighting about. Look at the deeper issues in your life. Stay on the topic. Don’t go global and throw in the kitchen sink! Take responsibility for what you are feeling. Use “I statements” rather than “you statements.” No finger pointing, blaming, shaming, guilting name calling, or threats of breakups. In other words don’t say things that are so critical or inflammatory that the spouse has little course but to defend themselves and retaliate. Don’t assume you know what your spouse is thinking and feeling. Because in combat we typically assume the worst. Check out your assumptions by asking your mate what they are thinking or feeling. Set a mindset of restoration rather than retaliation. If you practice these you can have the inevitable conflict without the...

Whatsoever is Good, Lovely, Pure

There is so much negative in the world today it can be easy to miss the good, the positive, the smile from the grocery clerk, cooling rain on a hot summer day, a beautiful sunset. Just watch the news and you will get an earful of tragedy, misery and pain. The Apostle Paul saw the good even in a terrible situation. We have traveled to Rome and seen the terrible prisons the early church disciples were confined to. They are basically a stone dungeon with maybe a small hole in the wall or a semblance of light. Yet is was in these conditions that he wrote this passage in Philippians 4:8, “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, just, pure, lovely and are of good report, if there be any virtue or praise think on these things.” This inspires me to think about the good and to encourage my clients to do the same. It is an honor for me to walk beside God’s wounded children who are going through trials and tribulations and be a tour guide of God’s goodness along the way....

What do you believe about God?

Sarah Young in her great devotional, Jesus Calling, makes the statement that wounded people have trouble with faith. We agree . If you were told or made to believe by a parent that you were not loved, or not good enough this can leave a deep wound of inferiority in you that we call a soul wound. This sense of worthlessness from your soul wound can cause you to see God in much the same negative light as you did your parents.  As a young Christian I (Bev) thought of God as a celestial parent who only loved me if I did good and punished me if I did bad. It took years of therapy, education, study of Scripture and a lot of prayer to change that message embedded in my brain. The good news is it can change. Memorizing Scripture about God’s love and care can be a great place to start. There are so many Scriptures about the God’s Unconditional Soul Healing Love. I challenge you to make your own list and replay them regularly in your mind. If you do this you will watch your faith...

Our Thoughts Matter

Our thoughts matter because Neuroscience teaches us that thoughts have matter. Quantum Physics reinforces that finding stating that thoughts can be registered on special computers. Oh how I wished I had paid more attention in my physics classes!  Dr. Caroline Leaf says that thoughts are measurable and occupy mental “real estate.” Thoughts are active and influence every decision, word, action, physical reaction and behavior. It is so healthy and God-honoring to look at what kind of thoughts are taking up space in our brain’s real estate. It’s a discipline to “Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. The Message says it this way, “Fit every thought, emotion, and impulse into the structure of life shaped by God.” Our life’s work is to do this ourselves and to encourage those with whom we are privileged to work to do that as well....

Positive “Thought Trees”

“As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. That means that you are what you think. New research in the field of Neuroscience is proving this Scripture to be true. For years we thought that the brain could not be reprogrammed or changed. But now we know from this field that the brain can be reformed and changed, a process called neuroplasticity. Each thought creates a “thought tree” in the brain called a dendrite. Negative thoughts create negative thought trees and the more you think negatively the more those trees grow. These negative thoughts lead to negative attitudes like low self-esteem, hopelessness, lack of faith in God, depression and more. Negative attitudes lead to negative behaviors, control, anger, and selfishness. The good news is you can stop these negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. The brain can be rewired to think positively but it will take practice. It will take daily renewing your mind and Paul says in Romans 12:2, “Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind which is in Christ Jesus.” Our thoughts shape our lives, so let’s start growing positive “thought trees” so our attitudes and behaviors become positive as...

Luck of the Irish…What about Faith of the Irish?

Typically St. Patrick’s Day calls to mind scenes of shamrocks, leprechauns, and green drinks. However, in looking at the Saint himself and the work he did in evangelizing the people of Ireland, there is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge about how we can truly change the world in which we live. St. Patrick believed that true conversion only happened in community, so he dedicated his time to living with the Celtic people, first moving into their daily life and then helping them see how present God was in everything they did. Celtic spirituality focused on God’s immanence, his presence in all of life, particularly in the nature that He had created; many prayers focused on praise for God’s work in nature. He also emphasized the Trinitarian nature of the Godhead, reminding us that God Himself is in constant communion with himself, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, united, yet distinct persons who work together to bring about God’s amazing works. What a wonderful reminder of how we are to live in our own lives, particularly in our marriages! As God’s Word teaches, “The two become one flesh” (Genesis 2, and quoted in Mark 10 and Ephesians 5), so we too are united, yet distinct, called to work together with the Lord to build something greater than we on our own could ever create. As you approach this St. Patrick’s Day, perhaps you will have a renewed look at the power of the Trinity and God’s effect on your life and marriage. We leave you with a Celtic Prayer: The Father of many resting...

Real Love this Valentine’s Day

February is the month of Valentines Day. In western culture this love is typically about Eros or Romantic Love. This is the month that we get bombarded with commercials and ads about jewelry, candy and of course flowers. As a kid I began to hate this month. It was a tradition at our small Southern school for the boys to purchase candy grams or flower grams and send them to the little girls they were sweet on. I think it was some type of fundraiser but I didn’t care.  I was a shy bookworm.I was also poor, wearing ill-fitting hand-me-downs,  from the wrong side of the tracks, and sporting buck teeth and braces.  Thus I was passed over for the cute blonde cheerleaders with the matching outfits and dazzling smiles. Every Valentines Day they would announce over the loud speaker who bought a Valentine gift  for whom, and the girls would swoon and giggle while the guys would preen over their choices. I would cringe in silence until the whole thing was over hoping no one ever asked me the dreaded question, “Did anyone buy you a Valentine, Bev?” After a while they just stopped asking. One sad February just after I accepted the Lord as my Savior, I happened to have my Bible with me at recess. In my sad state I opened my Bible to this exact spot. Jeremiah 31: 3 “ I have loved you with an everlasting love with loving kindness I have drawn you to me.”  The words leapt off the page!! I am pursued, I am desired, I am loved with unconditional Agape...

The Holiday Parties Are Over

I was at the mall and overheard a conversation between coworkers about going into deep depression after January 1. When the Holidays are over, you can feel letdown, disappointed, and depressed. One sure fire remedy is to be aware that this can happen and take proactive steps to prevent it. Then, try these remedies: 1)Make a daily gratitude list, things you are grateful for. You can even start with what you got for Christmas! 2) Keep the Spirit of Christmas giving alive all year long; try to do something for someone in need at least once a month. 3) Regularly connect with friends especially when you are feeling low. Often just knowing there are others who care for you can lift your...